Too, Too Blue

Today the weather is grey and my apartment is cold because the landlord hasn’t turned on the heat yet and I am unsolvably blue. Fidridge, Starcat, Frances, and Mr. Saucy have all gone, and all I seem left with is the absence of the Fiery One. He is not here. He will not be here to eat the hashbrowns I am making, he will not be here to push another Angel episode on me, he will not be here to sit on a chair next to the tub and stick his feet in the water with me just to hang out.

This is terrible. Normally I avoid this sort of thing by going for a walk or having coffee somewhere, but I have walked, gone for coffee, hung out with friends, had baths, and learned more computer crap, and I am still here, and he is not here.

I always hit this wall when he is away on trips. It usually happens around day ten, and this is day twelve, so I’m getting better at this trip by trip. Tomorrow I will probably be fine, but not today.

I went to Laili’s going away party last night, which was a nice, low-key affair. I took my brother-in-law, Mr. Saucy, along. I was feeling quiet, so I mostly stood against different walls and watched people, which is something that I actually enjoy normally, but last night it gave me too much time to think. People would come up to me and ask me if I was the Fiery One’s wife. People would ask me where the Fiery One was and what he was up to. People would ask me if I was doing okay with the Fiery One gone.

I started feeling like a blank space, a negative number, a place marker for him. Is this what it is to long for someone?

This will pass shortly, but for now, it aches. I am over the half-way mark and have only nine days more to plough through before he is home again, but that doesn’t seem to be enough this time, because he will only be home for a couple of weeks before he has to leave for another six. Yes, you read that right – six weeks. Won’t I be joy to read.

I’m going to have a long hot bath and read some short, trashy novel. If a bath can’t act as a complete distraction, at least it will feel good, even without his feet.


Stop pre-movie ads!

Read Miroslav Holub. I can’t get enough.

Nation States could prove to be incredibly addicting.

Today, I totally get this kitten. (found via cosmokane)