My Brother-In-Law's Coming To Town!
My coffee is cold.
My office area was cold (but now I’ve turned on the space heater).
I am getting old.
My favourite shirt is old.
My grandfather was old (but now he’s dead).
I am getting bored.
My co-worker is bored.
My friend Frances was bored (but now she is planning a trip overseas).
I am getting excited.
My sub-atomic particles are excited.
My brother-in-law was excited (but then he got all cynical).
My brother-in-law is coming in to town this evening on the bus all the way from Cosmopolis, and I am excited. He has been far, far away since Christmas, so it will be good to see him. Hmmm, what shall we name him? Mr. Saucy? Yes. Mr. Saucy sounds like a good name for him. It would probably annoy him a little bit, which I like, so it’s a keeper.
I will tell you a little bit about Mr. Saucy. In fact, I can only tell you a little bit about him, because he doesn’t reveal a great many things to a great many people. He has this delightfully cynical exterior, which you may think has been really overdone over the last ten years, but it suits him well like an old smelly coat.
Mr. Saucy doesn’t know it, but I am going to try to force him to play Scrabble with me. As far as I know, the only other time he ever played Scrabble in his life was when I made him walk down the street with a big Scrabble box under his arm. He hated that. And then I made him play with me in public at a pub while drinking beer. What drove me nuts about that occasion was that it was his very first Scrabble game ever and he nearly beat me. I think there was only a couple of points difference between our end scores. My competitive spirit made me want to throttle him, but I was also filled with a bubbling spring of familial pride at his newfound ability in Scrabble when he’s not a word guy. He’s a dark horse, that one.
One time I went up to Cosmopolis for a weekend without the Fiery One and was staying with the in-laws. Mr. Saucy was also home at the time, and I convinced him to come out with my friends and I. He ended up keeping up his mother most of the night while he stared down the toilet and hyperventilated. The next day, my mother-in-law asked me “what did you do to my son last night?”, to which I just smiled, because I can be an ass, and I think she still liked me anyway. Mr. Saucy hasn’t come out at night with me since. (I would like to add that he does not always get sick when he drinks, and that he held his own quite well at the Fiery One’s wedding and mine, so don’t snicker and point when you see him next).
What else? He has very thick and shiny hair, like a horse’s only people-ish. He is very smart, which seems to run in his family. He collects movies, which we snobbily refer to as films (just like really good or esteemed fiction is literature). He probably hates cutesy stuff, although I think he may have managed to be in love and have his heart broken once, but I can’t be sure. He has been bitten by all kinds of animals and still doesn’t hate them.
There. That’s a bit about my brother-in-law, Mr. Saucy. (God but I love saying Mr. Saucy. I think I will try calling him that out loud at least once this weekend just to see what it makes his face do). We are going to have a good time this weekend watching films and going to Laili’s going away party and having coffee outside somewhere. It’ll be fabulous.
Would you believe that I have been linked to by mouthcancerawareness.org.uk? It’s the link that says “MY BLOOD BLISTER”.
It’s hibernation like the movie “Aliens”, only for a real trip to Mars.
I know I live in Canada, but this is a bit ridiculous.