I changed my weblog template to one featuring a picture of eyeglasses as the header, and the Fiery One said he liked the last one better. This one’s all in reds and greens, and his minor colour-blindness probably messes that up for him, but honestly, Fiery, I think glasses have a lot more to do with me than clockwork penguins, especially since I have been in spectacles since I was seven. For some reason, though, I want him to like my template, so I think I came up with a solution. He likes me, so I thought that if I stuck a stick figure drawing of me behind the glasses, then he will have to like my template. Right? Granted, I don’t have trapezoidally shaped paddles for hands and feet, and I do not paint my lips such a bloody hue, and my eyes don’t look like ginormous Xs, and I usually wear pants, but it’s pretty darn close. You like?
I spent my work day yesterday at a seminar called "Non-violent Crisis Intervention". The whole thing was aimed at maintaining personal safety and the safety of the attacker until they have "diffused". Obviously, this was not a self-defence class but a class in how to diffuse possibly dangerous crisis situations in a work environment. It wasn't bad, because it got me thinking about numerous areas in my own life in which this kind of thinking would really do me a world of good, but it was too cursory to benefit anyone much on the verbal end of things. I mean, if I need to get your teeth off my arm I'm good to go, but if you yell at me I might just shrink down behind the counter and think of all kinds of nasty things to say to you later.
I now know how to get out of simple choke holds, deflect punches and kicks, stop someone from biting me, and disengage a person's hands if they are pulling my hair. While learning how to do these things, I of course had to touch other people, people that I don’t know. I am not crazy about touching people a whole lot. A hug now and again between friends is fine, but these people were not my friends, and I had to touch their skin. Ew. Their skins were variously dry, wet, smooth, bumpy, or hairy, and I did not want to know any of that. They all seemed like perfectly nice people, but it was all too close for comfort for me. Also, I’m not so good with the physical aggression. It is incredibly difficult for me to even fake punch you, so I didn’t have a lot to work with when I was playing the aggressor role. When it was my turn to be the victim, it was all I could do not to turn and run for the door. This course was not about getting away but about helping the aggressor diffuse non-violently. I’m sorry, but if a customer attacks me at work, I am not staying to help non-violently diffuse the situation. What I will most likely do is non-violently run and yell like hell.
The co-worker I took the course with today was bitchy from the word go yesterday morning. I wasn't at work the day before, so when I got in in the morning, I double-checked the time it was starting with her. She yelled at me about not being my freaking mother. That was a bizarre reaction to a simple question, but I let it slide. Then, when we were to leave to go to the course, she left without telling me and seemed quite comfortable walking with me trailing ten feet behind her, not saying a word. On top of all that, when we took our seats in the classroom, she took one two seats away from me. I was beginning to wonder if I had cooties or something. She just seemed to be regaining her decency when I accidentally kicked her in the shin during a role-playing exercise. It turns out that it was the more sensitive of her two shins. I found myself in a bit of an emotional conundrum. I wanted to feel badly for booting her in the leg and making her yelp in pain, but I also felt pleased about it after having endured her evilness so quietly all morning. Strangely, she seemed to loosen up quite a bit after that and was almost pleasant the rest of the day. Maybe that's the kind of treatment she requires. You know, some plants need to be watered and pruned and given lots of sun, but some plants like harsher treatment of being left alone in the shade. Maybe if I kicked her in the shin once in a while, she'd be as pleasant as a spring flower to me.
The Non-violent Crisis Intervention seminar lasted for most of the work day, so I was glad to find out that I have actually acquired some kind of recognized certification for my effort. Apparently, if I follow the practices I was taught and someone tries to take me to court for any of those actions, I will win. In the twenty-four years since this course has been taught, not one lawsuit against people who have taken it has held up in a court of law. If I ever am in a crisis situation and remember to use it, this is a good thing.
So, the moral of this story is: Don't try to bust my ass in a work environment, because I am certified to non-violently diffuse your crisis situation, mutherfucker!
Aw. Tony Randall is dead. I was a fan of his when I was a little kid and he played Felix on the “Odd Couple”. I remember watching that show on television and wishing that he could be just a little bit happier, but what could he do with a roommate like Oscar?
Last year, officials in the northern Nigerian state of Kano boycotted the World Health Organization’s vaccination plan due to rumours that the polio vaccine made women sterile in order to reduce the number of Muslims in the world. Now they have received a batch manufactured in Indonesia and will lift the ban on the vaccine, so polio vaccinations can resume and slow further outbreaks of the disease in the area.
Graduates of religious high schools in Turkey may not be allowed to enter public universities if a recently passed higher education reform bill is not vetoed.
Women in Saskatchewan, Quebec, and British Columbia already have access to the morning after pill without prescription, and this same access may be granted to women across the rest of Canada soon.
A Montreal man took matters into his own hands when his girlfriend said no to an abortion, and he slipped her a drug that induced a miscarriage.
No existing species of tree on earth can grow taller than 130 metres (427 feet).
Manmohan Singh is the new prime minister of India.
When they thought it was “just a documentary”, the parents of the children in “Etre et Avoir” were happy about the filming and signed their agreements and whatnot, but now that it has made money, they suddenly feel taken advantage of. Greedy idiots. It is still a documentary, no matter how much money it’s made.
Iraq wants full access to its oil revenues.
Apparently, 76% of Russian citizens favour the restoration of mass media censorship. I would like to know how the statistics in this story were gathered. Can things like this be true?
Coffee served in specialty coffee shops in Canada has far more caffeine than in European cafes. A 20-ounce jumbo cup of house blend at Second Cup has almost 400 milligrams of caffeine, which is approximately what Health Canada says an adult can consume healthily in one day.