Mr. Bad Hands And Sexual Harassment

Dear Mr. Bad Hands:

You may not remember me, because you were quite inebriated last night, so allow me to refresh your memory a little bit. We were at O’Hanlon’s – I with one group of friends and you with another. I don’t believe that we had ever met before last night, so if you are having a difficult time placing who I am, that is alright. I would prefer that you not remember me specifically, because lord knows I do not want have to converse with you ever again.

I was having a fantastic time last night, social butterflying my way around the room, when I ran into our mutual acquaintance, Gretchen. She informed me that you and another of her friends were sitting at the other end of the room and that you were being overly, hmm, shall we say, affectionate toward this friend. It was decided that your attention should be redirected, so Gretchen and I sat down with you and started talking to you. At first, this worked fabulously. Your hands, which had previously been roving all over this very nice woman in a very nasty manner were suddenly on the table, which enabled her to move a safer distance away from you. I was happy, she was happy, and you were much less likely to suffer corrective action. If you had known, you would have been happy, too.

After your attention seemed to have been fully swayed from Gretchen’s friend, I turned from you to talk with Gretchen. You see, I had no interest in pursuing a conversation with you in the first place. You were behaving in an obnoxious, aggressive, and personally intrusive manner, which does not under most circumstances cause any woman to want to talk to a man. My only interest when I came over was to make sure your hands would stop mucking about with that nice woman. Having achieved my goal, I began chatting with Gretchen. This did not work for you, because apparently your attention had not merely been shifted away from the friend; it had been shifted away from the friend and directed pointedly at me.

Now here comes the part that confuses me. No sooner had I started talking to someone else, and you turned toward me and began asking me questions. That’s fine, I suppose. It was rude, but you did want my attention back, so your action at that point is understandable. What I don’t get is why you suddenly, and without any warning, shoved your hand down the back of my pants and inside my underwear. I know, you were quite drunk, and intoxication can lead to the lifting of some inhibitions, but that is one inhibition I believe any decent person retains, even while drunk. I also know that it would be difficult for someone with your butt-related interests to resist sticking your paws down my backside, because I do moisturize regularly and have petal-soft skin in that particular area. I suppose its creamy ivory shade is enticing as well.

Enticing or not, though, I had just met you within the previous five minutes, and such behaviour toward a person you barely know is awfully presumptuous. I say presumptuous, because you obviously presumed that this behaviour would be received more warmly. It was not, of course. When you slid your hand inside my pants, I immediately removed it and turned to you and stated very aggressively that you should fuck off. Upon hearing that, you looked at me with what appeared to be an expression of shock, and you asked me why I would talk to you that way. I think maybe some words like loser, idiot, and fool may have emerged while I explained to you my behaviour.

We could call this sexual harassment. I know that you probably really like this word, because it has ass right in the middle, but your behaviour of last night indicates that you may be unclear about its meaning. Here is the definition of sexual harassment according to Merriam Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, Tenth Edition:
sexual harassment n (1975) : uninvited and unwelcome verbal or physical conduct directed at [someone] because of his or her sex
Your physical conduct was certainly uninvited and unwelcome, and it was directed at me because of my sex. Now I have provided you with both a definition and a direct example, so you will be able to understand me now when I tell you that your actions last night constituted a form of sexual harassment. So, when you kept looking at me with those looks of you’re such a bitch and what’s wrong with you, I could tell what a fool you were. I was well within my rights to respond to you the way I did, and your obvious lack of judgment and insight showed you to be the loser, idiot, and fool that you are.

Hoping that your hangover today is the worst of your life,


This is likely not very fitting for this entry, but here it is anyway – Read My Boobs.

Sexual Harassment Facts and Links:
* Sexual harassment can take many forms including, but not limited to:
sexual remarks, "jokes" with sexual overtones, a sexual advance or invitation, displaying offensive pictures or photographs, threats, leering, sexual or physical assault, and physical contact like touching, patting, pinching or brushing against. For more information and options for action, check out the Government of Saskatchewan site.
* It was not until 1980 that Illinois became the first state in the United States to ban sexual harassment of its state employees. (see Information on Sexual Harassment)
* Sexual harassment also occurs on the internet. If you have experienced online abuse, WHOA and CyberAngels are there to help.
* If you are being sexually harassed at work, document it so that you will have evidence in a case or complaint. Photograph or keep copies of any offensive material, keep a journal with detailed information on instances of harassment, tell friends and co-workers about it, and keep copies of your work records and performance evaluations at home. (see the Feminist Majority Foundation)
* According to the Equal Opportunity Employment Commission in the United States, 10% of all sexual harassment complaints filed regard harassment of men by female supervisors.
* It is estimated that 50% to 85% of American women will experience some form of sexual harassment during their academic or working lives, yet only 25% of them ever tell anyone.
* Take this sexual harassment quiz and find out how much you know.
* British Columbia put out a booklet entitled “Preventing Discrimination and Sexual Harassment in the Workplace”.

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