Elan Morgan is a writer and web designer who works from Elan.Works, a designer and editor at GenderAvenger, and a speaker who has spoken across North America. They believe in and work to grow both personal and professional quality, genuine community, and meaningful content online.

A Security Device, Still Quitting, De-Centralization, On-Line Scrabble, A Good Film, And Victoriana

On the lid of the communal garbage can on my floor of the apartment building is a note. It is neatly typed in all-caps and protected by strip of scotch tape. It reads: “SECURITY DEVICE ENCLOSED.” I lifted up the lid and checked inside, just to make sure, and I could not see this purported security device. Curious.

I bet that after my last entry you thought I fell off the non-smoking wagon, that I caved, that I gave in to my lesser desires, that I was a miserable excuse for a recovering addict. I have decided that I have to be honest here. I did fall off, cave, give in, and was a miserable excuse for a recovering addict – on Friday night. My last entry was on Thursday, and I was as sad as I sounded. When the Fiery One returned home from work, I was not on speaking terms with the world, and so after a few quick pecks on top of my head, he adroitly retreated into the safety of anyplace away from me. Later, when my rage boiled down to a more manageable bitterness, I positioned myself on the couch with a large bowl of popcorn, watched television with a zeal I did not know I had in me, and tried desperately not to allow thoughts to roam around in my head, because they were liable to think of smoking. I feel ridiculous saying this, but Thursday was the most difficult and concerted effort of my recent life. It is now Sunday morning, and I have not had a cigarette since then. Instead of doing what I usually do when I try to quit, I did not immediately start up the habit where I left off as soon as I got a whiff of failure. I picked myself up and resumed the teeth whitening the next morning. And I feel good. After a week of not having cigarette smoke constantly lingering on my clothing, hair, and fingers, the aftermath of thick stench that I woke up to on Saturday morning was enough to put me off again for another while. So, keep cheering for me. I am not the most brilliant quitter, and I am prone to small bouts of failure, but I do have heart (and will continue to if I actually stay quit).

On Friday evening, before I gave in to cigarettes with such ferocity (I must have smoked an entire pack), I went in search of yarn, because I thought that I would give my bus friend’s suggestion a try and knit an I’m-quitting-smoking scarf. I thought that surely there would be a store in our downtown core that sold even a few balls of yarn. No deal. I searched high and low, but to no avail. You see, I don’t own a car, nor do I want to, but at times like that when the nearest ball of yarn is clear across town in some far-flung mall I have never heard of and sweet cigarettes are within five minute's reach, a car would have saved me my terrible, one-night downfall. This town has become so de-centralized that you have to go the farthest reaches south, north, or east in order to find most amenities, and our bus system’s speed could not rival a sloth. Normally, I do not notice this aspect of living where I live, because I am not a big shopper and have a grocery store within walking distance, but on Friday the de-centralization of my fair city nudged me over that edge. Now don’t get me wrong. I am not laying all the blame for my caving on de-centralization and poor public transit, but it sure didn’t freaking help any.

Since I tried to log onto Blogger and cannot seem to be able to, I decided to try a game of internet Scrabble on WordBiz. I haven’t played in a long while, so I was not expecting too much out of myself, when I suddenly played “registry,” which used all of my letters and landed me on a triple-word score. I scored 89 points in one turn! In the world of low-brow Scrabble, that is pretty damn good. I was really starting to get into the game when my opponent, pesh, “lost contact or quit.” You better have lost contact, buddy, because dropping out of a game just because I attained the personally phenomenal score of 89 points in one turn is really, really lame.

We watched “Donnie Darko” last night. It was one of those films that everyone else has seen but you have not, and although everyone talks it up, it sucks, only this movie did not suck. In fact, it was excellent. It also has one of the best web pages. I’m serious about how seriously good this site is. It is seriously good. Seriously.

Apparently, people have been hitting on this blog by googling the phrase “victorian age toilet.” Have I written about such a thing? I don’t recall if I have. Maybe I should. It seems that it would increase my popularity.

Yay! The first part of this entry was written yesterday, and I lamented my lack of yarn. Well, shortly afterward, the Fiery One and I went for breakfast with a couple we know, and they were nice enough to take us along with them to a mall they go to for groceries, and in that mall was.... yarn! So, now I have four balls of brightly coloured yarn with which to make a brightly coloured scarf, and I have already created approximately six to seven inches of said scarf, and I feel fairly accomplished. As a quit-smoking scarf, it has not yet been entirely successful, but I do believe it will fulfill its duties.

I must apologize, at least to myself. I cannot make the effort required for my “Facts and Links” segment, and with my love of facts, I promise to at least myself to make up for it in my next installment.

Disembowellment, Panoramas, The Flu, The Absurd, Too Much Information, The Believer, Another Poem, A Cool Can, DNA, Whipped Cream, And Vomit

Malcontent, Hollowed Out, The Sweet Old Life, Trying, An Aside, The Combo, Loneliness, And Quitting Smoking (Again)