#409: THINGS I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW

Things I will have you know:

1. I was number one on Google today for shiekh women with underarm hair. I have finally been recognized for one of my natural gifts (although, that "shiekh" bit is a little confusing).

2. I bought some kick ass yarn and new knitting needles today at a very cool yarn store. I have known how to knit since I was eleven, but I never learned to cast off, because that would have required actually finishing a project, but this weekend, the internet and I collaborated to teach me how, so now I feel all full of knitting confidence. I can effectively tangle string in a visually organized and pleasing fashion! I can now make my way from one end of a scarf to the other!

3. Would you believe that I have yet to send my younger brother, Fidridge, and his lovely girl-partner their Christmas presents yet? I would. Just ask Starcat. He and I usually manage to exchange presents sometime in March. There is also that sculpture I started for Luvabeans one year and two months ago. It resides in a lonely box and often whispers to me: Pssst, you, the one over there. Remember me? Remember the hours you toiled? Remember the delightful pressure of glue under your fingernails? Yeah? Well, fuck you. I'm dusty and it's dark in here. You made half a dusty thing that is forced to live out its existence in the dark. Jerk.

4. I lost my will to live for a short while in my cubicle today. No, seriously. I was writing a nice card for someone, and it said nice things about their intentions and generosity, and then I thought how nice it was that my job had me doing such a nice thing all the time, and then I suddenly and without warning wished that my stapler would just up and end it for me already. Or that my chair would finally collapse already and take a few of my limbs with it. And then it passed. And things were nice again. Janebuarch mood swings always manage to make my life a bag of mixed fruit.

5. After thing-I'll-have-you-know number four, I feel that I must assure that I am really feeling quite fine most of the time. I just seem to have these brief brain farts through the last months of every winter.

6. I watched all twenty-two episodes of the first season of "Veronica Mars" over Saturday and Sunday. Veronica is my new Buffy, but less with the supernatural and more with the Nancy Drew.

7. I am going to go and knit an awesome scarf right now, and I am going to knit the whole thing from one end to the other and finish it tonight. Seriously. Really. I am. Stop looking at me like that.



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"Like A Scarf" by James Tate

Elan Morgan12 Comments