Just Call Me Fatwife
SCHMUTZIE: Wow. I got fatter in only two days. I hope you don't mind having a fat wife.
PALINODE: Not at all.
SCHMUTZIE: You answered that wrong. It's like you just agreed that I'm fat.
SCHMUTZIE: See, you responded all wrong again. It supposed to be that I say I'm fat, and then you say I'm not fat, but that you would still love me if I was.
PALINODE: Oh, right. You're not fat.
SCHMUTZIE: That was very convincing.
PALINODE: Right, and I would still love you if you were fat, Fatwife.
SCHMUTZIE: Did you just call me fat?
PALINODE: No. I called you Fatwife. It's one word. In fact, it's your new name.
PALINODE: Yes. It has nothing to do with your being fat, though. It's just a name. Do you mind if I call you Fatwife?
SCHMUTZIE: Actually, yes.
PALINODE: It's sad that you don't like your own name, Fatwife. It's going to be hard to refer to you if you won't let me say it.
SCHMUTZIE: You're lucky I still love you as much as I do.
PALINODE: I love you, too, Fatwife.
You know that parasitic infection that makes us like cats? Sometimes I think that's how marriage works.